don’t let the smiling face fool you – i can hardly move today.
way too much snow shoveling after way too many months of inactivity has left me incredibly stiff & sore & realizing that i have to do something about it. ‘it’ being the shape i’m in – physically & mentally.
over the last couple of years i have seen myself put on an extra 20 lbs which does not belong on my body. an extra 20 lbs that feels horrible. feels sad. feels like i have given up.
i know i’m not the only woman out there whose partner wasn’t always the most faithful. and i know i’m not the only woman who has spent hours looking at herself in the mirror wondering what’s wrong with her. and i know i’m not the only woman who has sat across from her therapist crying & blaming herself for all of it.
but knowing that there’s so many of us, just makes me feel worse. i wouldn’t wish it on anyone. it doesn’t just break your heart, it can break your spirit, it can break you.
break you to the point where you don’t care about yourself anymore. you stop taking care of yourself. you stop going out. you stop looking in the mirror.
you stop looking at yourself & you stop seeing yourself.
until you’re 32 years old & can barely shovel a walkway without needing to stop & take a break. realizing that you’re not over the betrayal. i’m talking about the way i betrayed myself.
somebody else hurt me & instead of giving myself grace & love – i hurt myself even more.
i had decided back then that i wasn’t worth anything so i stopped caring about myself. and that’s the real heartbreak.
other people can hurt you. other people will hurt you. and you don’t need to make it worse by beating yourself up too. adding more pain & suffering to your life.
you need to be better to yourself & love yourself through the bad stuff.
you need to remember what team you’re on.
we all do if we want any chance of making it through.