‘today is the beginning of anything & everything you want’
and today just feels different to me.
i woke up way before sunrise this morning with ideas & words & plans just swirling around in my head. a couple of pots of coffee later, i’m still sitting at my desk writing, dreaming & creating.
maybe it’s the fact that i had almost 12 hours of sleep last night, after a week of poor, pathetic little 4 hour ‘naps’.
or maybe because i took the last couple of weeks off from this blog.
or maybe it’s just time. my time.
everything feels so clear today, like i know exactly what i want to do & where i want to go & i’m loving every second of it. i feel inspired… laser focused… & i’m smiling like crazy.
it’s a very welcomed feeling after living in a haze for so long.
even though i have been super dedicated with my journaling, treating my body kindly & focusing on healing – i haven’t really felt like i had a lot of direction.
i knew that i wanted to feel better & rebuild my life but i didn’t have any actual idea or vision of what i actually wanted that to look like.
i couldn’t really envision my future.
did i want to have a marriage again one day? be a parent? where did i want to live? in the city? at the lake? out in the country?
i’m not sure if it’s because i had lost myself so bad or if it’s because i changed so much, going through everything i went through but i didn’t really know myself anymore.
so i stopped making choices. or decisions. especially big, major, life altering ones.
but lately, i’m feeling more confident. especially today.
i feel like i’m moving in a direction that feels right to me. natural.
for so long, i’ve been obsessed with the idea of ‘feeling normal’ instead of feeling ‘natural’. what is natural to me. what is natural for me now. not overthinking things so much but instead, going with my heart & what feels good in that moment.
that’s all i want to do now.
so, if you’re reading this & you’ve been rocked after a breakup or loss & you’ve been struggling to feel ‘normal’ again, please try replacing ‘normal’ with ‘natural’ & see how you feel.
see what you choose to do or say or feel when you take the pressure off & go with your heart (or your gut) instead of your head.
because in my experience, when you feel like you’re in a rut or just going around in circles, the last thing you need is to be putting more pressure on yourself.
so try going through the entire day doing what feels good to you.
a nap on the couch? turning off your phone & enjoying a long walk? making yourself a big bowl of pasta (& not judging yourself over how much cheese you put on top)?putting on headphones & listening to your favourite songs as you answer email after email at work??
ask yourself ‘what do i need today??’ then do it (without judgement or guilt) & see how your day goes. then repeat. each & every day.
what do you want? what do you need?
keep putting yourself & your needs & wants at the top of your list. start making yourself a priority today.