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the right & wrong ratio

just because they are great 80% of the time, doesn’t mean they can mistreat you the other 20%.

now this could relate to all sorts of situations & all sorts of relationships throughout life.

but since this is a blog about love & relationships, we’re going to talk about a romantic partnership.

where two people fall in love & after a while one person (or maybe both) notices that their partner is really only good to them some of the time.

maybe it’s most the time, maybe 80% of the time. but not all of the time.

maybe there are times when they call you names or tell you that you’re stupid. criticize or mock you in a really demeaning, cruel way. maybe they talk trash about your friends or your family or your job.

maybe they get angry over what you wear, the things you say, the books you read, the music you listen to.

maybe it even goes from being verbal to physical.

and even though you know it’s not okay, you still tell yourself ‘well they’re not like this all of the time’.

and maybe it is just ‘every once in awhile’ or ‘just a little bit but it’s not that bad’.

maybe it is only 20% of the time.

that’s the ratio i came up with.

that’s the excuse i made for him. that’s how i rationalized staying in that relationship.

because he was great 80% of the time (like the best man i had ever met), it excused the 20% of the time he acted like the worst person i had ever met.

only it doesn’t.

it never did.

and it took years of therapy & hard inner work for me to finally get that through my head & my heart.

so if you are reading this & you can relate, you find yourself balancing that ratio of right & wrong in your relationship – please consider getting out & getting help.

it’s never okay to be talked to or treated in a way that makes you feel fearful or ashamed.

even if you don’t believe that right now, believe me when i say, as someone who lived it – it’s not okay.

it’s not enough to be treated with love & respect only 80% of the time – you deserve 100%.

and there is definitely somebody out there who will treat you like gold 100% of the time, if you give them the chance.

that somebody is you.

 

xxoo, k

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