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the reason

 

the first book i’m checking off my 2020 reading list is jordan lee dooley’s own your everyday: overcome the pressure to prove and show up for what you were made to do.

and while i really enjoyed the whole thing & got a lot out of it – this paragraph hit me right in the heart:

‘I don’t want to be the reason another teenage girl or young woman thinks she has to live behind a made-up version of herself, hide behind labels, or live with the fear of how she might be judged if she were true to herself.’

wow. just wow.

my day job puts me in the public eye – usually in a full face of makeup plus a hair style & wardrobe put together by some of the best stylists around. and while i’m the same person whether i’m on your tv at 6am or standing beside you in the chip aisle at 6pm, i sometimes feel like i’m wearing a mask too (and not just a literal mask of heavy makeup).

reading this made me wonder how that image is actually seen by others – especially other women.

how many gals have i met that saw my designer purse or shoes & felt like they needed that too?

how many times has my niece gone to play with my makeup bag & thought it was normal to have 20 different lipsticks – that that’s what a person needs?

how many times have i cringed while watching back a segment i hosted, thinking that it wasn’t good enough?

or stumbled over my words live on air & beat myself up about it?

our screens are full of the most gorgeous, flawless, perfect women & when i see too much perfection, i start to get down on myself.

pick myself apart.

well, i love my job & i have worked really hard for everything i have – i don’t want to feel bad about that. but like jordan, i also don’t want to be the reason another girl picks herself apart.

not to say that i’m going to stop getting my eyebrows done & give away all my nice shoes – but i am going to be a little gentler on myself & a little more real with the world when i do trip up.

stop apologizing for the times i’m a mess. stop trying to cover up my mistakes so others don’t think less of me. stop hiding my ‘flaws’.

when i misspell a word on the blog. when i have lipstick on my teeth. coffee spilled down the front of my brand-new shirt.

that’s me just being human. and that’s what i want you to see.

i screw up too. i make poor choices. i fall down. lose. fail. fall apart.

but i’m right back out there the next day, going for it.

and you can too – as yourself. no masks. no made-up persona to hide behind.

just you. and you can’t get any better than that.

xxoo, k

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