still learning


‘just a masterpiece, learning to master peace’

pretty sure i saw this on the cover of a notebook in a dollar store one day & although i didn’t buy the pink & purple sparkly thing, its message stuck with me.

it’s become a mantra i use almost every day – to get through the day.

let me explain. i consider myself a nice person – i try to be kind, honest & do the right thing. i think those who know me would agree.

but those closest to me would also tell you that i have a bit of a temper. and even though my red hair is fakey, fake, fake – i’m still a firecracker & can be a real hothead sometimes.

most of those times, i’m around my family.

mostly my mama & baba.

now i love them more than i can possibly put into words. i talk about them all the time. write about them all the time. they are the biggest influences in my life – even though i spent over a decade living far away from them.

but trust me when i say that there is no one walking this earth that can push my buttons more than carla & ann.

and i think that being back in manitoba & spending so much time with them (i lived with my mama when i first left my marriage) has brought back every single feeling from when i left as an angsty teenager all those years ago.

i know they mean well & i know they love me & especially after everything i’ve been through; they are a little extra overprotective of me.

but it’s become a real practice of patience for me to take their opinions (very strong at times) & their advice with a smile instead of a snarl. to take what makes sense for me & quietly (without blowing up) discard the rest.

and to remember that people are the way they are. their own experiences shaped them, their thoughts, their words & it can all be very different than how you see things.

and if their words are so different, they might as well be in another language – or come across as mean or demeaning – you don’t have to react. you can calmly let the comments roll on by.

but most importantly the biggest lesson i am learning is how to give myself grace. not be too hard on myself when i do snap or fight back.

it’s not ideal when i do – but everyone loses their temper now & again. i mean you can’t be a zen master every second of the day.

but i can try to do better each & every day. with each & every reaction. with each & every person i come across.

xxoo, k

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