‘old ways don’t open new doors’
today is the final day of my almost two week vacation. and while i really haven’t done much of anything for the last 12 days – i am SO not ready for it to be over!
i actually feel worse – more stressed & more tired than i was when my holidays started!
there were no real plans to go anywhere or do anything special. i guess i was hoping to just relax & play it by ear. and i can look back now with absolute certainty that that way of thinking was wrong.
so dang wrong.
stuck with a broken furnace for the first half of it & then a bum leg for the second half meant all i really did was lay around under the covers, reading & thinking. thinking that lead me down the path of what was missing.
which is myself. specifically, the part of myself that does things. i just spent 12 days doing nothing because i had no idea what else to do. what did i want to do? no idea! none! because i don’t know what i like anymore.
seriously. no hobbies. no interests. no freaking clue on how i like to spend my free time. reading obviously, but at the rate i’m going, i’ll run out of books.
i tried to think back to my old single days & it’s like i have amnesia. what did i used to do? before everything changed?
when i was a wife & stepmom everything revolved around my family. when i was alone again everything revolved around work & taking care of Harley. when i lost Harls & was truly alone, everything revolved around… well, i actually have no idea, the last little while has been a blur.
i tried to drum up some ideas… was there a restaurant i wanted to take myself to? a movie i wanted to see? get my nails done? take a daytrip? i don’t know.
at this point i’m thinking of getting ‘i don’t know’ printed up on a t-shirt since it seems to have become my motto for this season of my life.
maybe sitting around reading & doing nothing sounds like a perfect vacation to some, but i’m kind of starting to worry that that’s all i’m doing with my life.
at what point does taking time for yourself turn into taking a timeout from life?
so, in an effort to find some answers, i’ve decided that each week (starting now!) i’m going to try to experience one new thing. go somewhere new. eat somewhere new. walk somewhere new. meet someone new.
anything — as long as it’s new.
any suggestions – let me know in the comments!