that’s what i feel when this happens.
which is weird for me since i share so much here on the blog & i never really feel embarrassed otherwise.
but that’s exactly how i would describe my grief.
it embarrasses me when it sneaks up out of nowhere. when it overwhelms me. when it brings me to tears in the middle of my day.
i think that i’m fairly tough & have control over my emotional & mental state but when the grief comes over me & tears spring up out of nowhere i get embarrassed.
the heaviness settles into my chest & i’m ashamed that i’m not over it yet. i’m not over the loss of my former career, marriage & the loss of Harley.
and at times i think i should be.
i feel like months have gone by & i should be better.
i’m doing the therapy thing. the journaling thing. the inner work to heal the hurt.
so why aren’t i healed? why do these deep feelings of loss still pop up every now & again? are these setbacks a part of the healing process? or will i always feel my heart break a little when i think of what was?
i’d like to think it’s ‘normal’ to experience this kind of thing, but to be honest, i have no idea what my normal is anymore.
i also believe that everyone’s normal is different.
so if you’re grieving the loss of something from your past, i don’t want to tell you that it’s ‘normal’ but i do want you to know that you are not the only one.
it’s very real & it’s very hard some days.