lost something but gained everything

before we all went into isolation & quarantine – i met a guy.

a nice guy.

and we were hanging out, talking all day long & i believed that things were going in the right direction… until i got the text.

you know the one. the ‘i just want to be friends’ text.

now let me just say that this is a great guy, he was kind & honest & i hold no ill feelings at all… 

but it stung. nobody likes to get a text like that from someone they like – especially from the first person they’re interested in after a huge breakup.

so this stung a little extra.

and my first thought to be honest, was to reply with something snarky. but while deleting & retyping words, i realized a few big things.

one being that i understood where he was coming from. for a long time the thought of being with someone other than my ex made me physically sick to my stomach – so i completely get just wanting to be friends with someone.

two being that i do actually like this guy as a person. so i do care about his feelings & what he wants, instead of just selfishly thinking of myself & what i want.

and three being how much i’ve grown.

which surprised the heck out of me. kahla a year ago would never have been mature or whole enough to accept this for what it really is.

i probably would have been hurt, then mad, then sent an angry response telling him that he wasted my time & that he should lose my number & forget my name.

i guess this last year has served me well. which is extra surprising because i feel like all i’ve done is hide out & wallow in my pain.

but as it turns out – the inner work – has worked.

and in the end i did craft what i think was a very kind & respectful response.

so even though i didn’t get the guy, i ended up finding a better version of myself – & i think that’s a million times more important.

it makes me feel so powerful & so proud that i can’t wait to grow even more.

and that’s growth that i can do all on my own. no guy required.

xxoo, k