it’s gonna work out


and it always does.

even when it feels like the worst thing ever is happening to you.

this week was my breaking point in the whole COVID-19 situation.

last night actually, when i cried myself to sleep & woke up about 7 times through the night.

i’m still staying with my dad, since the house hunting mission has been put on hold.

but he’s older & i’m terrified every single day that i am going to make him sick.

we take every precaution & have a backup plan on where i’ll go if i do have to quarantine & he tells me all the time that he’s not worried… but it doesn’t help.

i’m still working, going into downtown every day & since his job is also considered an essential service, he too, is working.

i feel guilty over something i haven’t even done yet.

i feel panicked every time we run out of something.

i obsessively wipe everything in the house down until my hands are raw & cracking.

i constantly nag him to wash his hands more.

and i know that i should probably relax a little, or go for a run, or have a bubble bath or something but i can’t help it.

when i was in my early twenties i almost lost my dad, he was pretty sick & spent a ton of time in the hospital.

i can’t have that again. i can’t lose him.

so, i find myself listening to a lot of chance the rapper lately.

and when he says:
‘doesn’t it get dark, right before the sun peaks,
and bears its face
and doesn’t it get so hard to breathe
but it’s gonna work out, it’s gonna work out’

i know it will.

and it is – kinda. i found toilet paper, lysol spray & emergen-c today.

and we’re both still feeling fine.

it’s gonna work out.

and that’s what i have to believe right now.

xxoo, k

4 thoughts on “it’s gonna work out

  1. You must believe it will get better, that we will come out this better than when we went in, and that it has been taken out of our hands.
    My late Dad was a member of AA and for almost 50 yrs. He lived by the motto “let go and let God”. I still try to do that.
    Hang in there, you can’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.

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