and it always does.
even when it feels like the worst thing ever is happening to you.
this week was my breaking point in the whole COVID-19 situation.
last night actually, when i cried myself to sleep & woke up about 7 times through the night.
i’m still staying with my dad, since the house hunting mission has been put on hold.
but he’s older & i’m terrified every single day that i am going to make him sick.
we take every precaution & have a backup plan on where i’ll go if i do have to quarantine & he tells me all the time that he’s not worried… but it doesn’t help.
i’m still working, going into downtown every day & since his job is also considered an essential service, he too, is working.
i feel guilty over something i haven’t even done yet.
i feel panicked every time we run out of something.
i obsessively wipe everything in the house down until my hands are raw & cracking.
i constantly nag him to wash his hands more.
and i know that i should probably relax a little, or go for a run, or have a bubble bath or something but i can’t help it.
when i was in my early twenties i almost lost my dad, he was pretty sick & spent a ton of time in the hospital.
i can’t have that again. i can’t lose him.
so, i find myself listening to a lot of chance the rapper lately.
and when he says:
‘doesn’t it get dark, right before the sun peaks,
and bears its face
and doesn’t it get so hard to breathe
but it’s gonna work out, it’s gonna work out’
i know it will.
and it is – kinda. i found toilet paper, lysol spray & emergen-c today.
and we’re both still feeling fine.
it’s gonna work out.
and that’s what i have to believe right now.