‘if you’re going to focus on what’s gone – at least notice the space it left for something new’
oh a lesson that took me almost two years to learn & one that i still have to remind myself of when i feel a mood coming on!
i spent the better part of the last two years suffering breakdown after breakdown so spectacularly major that i would end up spending my days sleeping & hiding from life.
even when i made a really conscious effort to try to stay as upbeat as possible – i still felt like my whole life sucked & i just hated it.
i felt like i lost everything that used to make me happy, everything about my life that i used to love.
i felt like it was all gone & all i had left were the memories how great things were.
and of course, a bunch of half-assed attempts at trying to feel better & change my life.
but that always made me feel more miserable – the collection of all the failed attempts i had at bettering myself & my life!
i mean how crappy can one situation get??
how miserable can one girl become??
i was full of questions.
why was this happening??
what was i supposed to do with all of this??
how was this helping me??
and the biggest question of all… how was i ever supposed to have any meaning in my life again??
well, i still don’t have all the answers but i have come to realize something that’s helped a lot:
i felt like i had nothing – an empty life – when really, what i had was empty space, for something new.
something better (hopefully).
i also realized that not everything from my old life is gone or dead & i can try to bring some of my favourite parts of it back!
like sneaking out to the beach on a beautiful afternoon after work & reading a real cheesy harlequin romance book on the sand.
or picking up my favourite greasy takeout & a bottle of red wine & having a pirates of the caribbean marathon on the couch on a saturday night with the dog.
and, of course, i can work to change the things i don’t like into things i love.
plus, in the meantime, i can believe & trust that more exciting, amazing, wonderful things are coming into my life to fill the space left behind by all the crap i cleared out!
so… what have you cleared out of your life? or what are you hoping to invite into your life??