empty space

‘if you’re going to focus on what’s gone – at least notice the space it left for something new’

oh a lesson that took me almost two years to learn & one that i still have to remind myself of when i feel a mood coming on!

i spent the better part of the last two years suffering breakdown after breakdown so spectacularly major that i would end up spending my days sleeping & hiding from life.

even when i made a really conscious effort to try to stay as upbeat as possible – i still felt like my whole life sucked & i just hated it.

i felt like i lost everything that used to make me happy, everything about my life that i used to love.

i felt like it was all gone & all i had left were the memories how great things were.

and of course, a bunch of half-assed attempts at trying to feel better & change my life.

but that always made me feel more miserable – the collection of all the failed attempts i had at bettering myself & my life!

i mean how crappy can one situation get??

how miserable can one girl become??

i was full of questions.

why was this happening??

what was i supposed to do with all of this??

how was this helping me??

and the biggest question of all… how was i ever supposed to have any meaning in my life again??

well, i still don’t have all the answers but i have come to realize something that’s helped a lot:

i felt like i had nothing – an empty life – when really, what i had was empty space, for something new.

something better (hopefully).

i also realized that not everything from my old life is gone or dead & i can try to bring some of my favourite parts of it back!

like sneaking out to the beach on a beautiful afternoon after work & reading a real cheesy harlequin romance book on the sand.

or picking up my favourite greasy takeout & a bottle of red wine & having a pirates of the caribbean marathon on the couch on a saturday night with the dog.

and, of course, i can work to change the things i don’t like into things i love.

plus, in the meantime, i can believe & trust that more exciting, amazing, wonderful things are coming into my life to fill the space left behind by all the crap i cleared out!

so… what have you cleared out of your life? or what are you hoping to invite into your life??

share in the comments below or join us on facebook, twitter & instagram!

xxoo, k

One thought on “empty space

  1. I think it’s great that you can share what’s going on in your life not only to help yourself see what you have gone through but also to maybe help others in what they are going through. Especially when you are in the public eye.
    I know that for many I have talked to they get stuck in the past and find it very difficult to move forward, always dwelling on what happened instead of saying what now?
    We can all ask those pitiful questions of why me or what did I do to deserve this (as we have all fought some kind of battle) but as we look ahead and ask What Now we can move beyond what we have been through and look forward to what God has ahead for us.

    I heard this song on the radio as I was driving home from work. I hope you have a few minutes to listen to it.
    Matthew West – Truth Be Told


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