better to be alone…


i wrote this in yesterday’s blog post & my phone is still pinging with messages from people saying that they’ve been there or are still there.

that breaks my heart!

so i want to get into this a little more. dig a little deeper.

but first i want to start by saying that even though i am going through a divorce & even though i have been through some pretty tough things with my last relationship – i still believe in them.

relationships i mean – not the ex haha!

i still love love.

i still believe in building a beautiful & happy life with another human being.

i still believe that i will end up in a wonderful committed partnership with a wonderful human being.

i believe in compromise. understanding. compassion.

but i do NOT believe in giving up who you are or changing who you are to be in that partnership.

you are a team. a unit.

two people that are together because you want to be together.

you want that other person just as they are, for who they are.

obviously, if they have dangerous or harmful habits or treat you horribly – don’t accept that as them ‘just being them’.

mistreating another is just plain old wrong.

but i also know that people can mistreat each other in more subtle ways & they may not even know they’re doing it – or you may not even notice it being done to you!

it can be a fine line between compromising & meeting your lover half way & just throwing your life out the window for them.

it’s not good when you feel like you are doing all the work, changing your life to make everything easier, putting your needs & wants to the side.

all. the. time.

giving up on your dreams.

that’s not right or fair.

that’s when the trouble can begin.

if you really love someone, you don’t want to start resenting them.

you don’t want to get to the point where things fall apart so bad that you can’t get it together again & then you’re no longer together.

if it seems strange that someone with a failed marriage is jabbing her jaws about this – let me tell you – experience really is the best teacher!

and as someone who has been there, quite recently, all i can say is that you need to speak up.

talk to your partner. share how you are feeling. share what you really want. what you need.

that’s all you really can do – love yourself & do this for yourself.

if they don’t get it or aren’t willing to get it – then you’ll have some decisions to make.

and it might be better to be alone.

but don’t you love yourself & your partner enough to first try??

try to communicate?

try to make things better for the both of you??

so you can move forward & build a life TOGETHER that you both truly love?!

and if you’ve walked away from a relationship that wasn’t serving you or wasn’t good for you – i’m proud of you!

you deserve to have a fulfilling & passionate bond with someone who appreciates & adores you – who you appreciate & adore right back!!  

xxoo, k

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