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false starts, starting points & new beginnings

how are you spending your weekends in isolation?

do you get a weekend? or has this whole event blended into one long, endless weekend for you??

i’ve been working from home for about a month now & i still get ‘weekends’, which i spend watching movies, gaming & eating pizza with my dad & the dog.

which is fantastic – don’t get me wrong, i’m very lucky over here – but i am feeling a little disappointed in myself today.

before everything went wonky in this world, i was starting to feel very motivated.

i even wrote a few posts about eating better, working out once again & feeling hopeful about ‘getting back on track’.

but that’s all out the window now.

stress & the close proximity of my fridge has left me back at the beginning of my journey to be better.

yet another false start.

now i can’t even begin to tell you how many journal entries of mine from 2019 started with ‘things feel different’ or ‘i finally feel ready to make a change’… only to make said change for a few days or so before falling back into bad habits.

it always left me feeling like a loser or a failure or even a liar.

at the worst of times i felt like i wasn’t even worthy of a better life, since i couldn’t even stick to these changes for myself.

but now i’m starting to see these ‘false starts’ as ‘starting points’.

and the good news is, i get as many starting points as i need.

and they can be whenever… any second of any day. doesn’t have to be a sunday or monday or the first of the month or a new moon.

i remember back to when i realized my marriage was over & i had to get out.

i had 3 or 4 ‘false starts’ before i actually left for good.

i would pack a bag & leave, trying to move on but i always fell for something & ended up right back in that bad situation, wondering how i let that happen.

but i kept trying. even though i kept failing.

eventually, with the help of my family, i was able to get out on a sunny, cold november morning. for good.

and it no longer mattered to me how many times i had tried before.

i only needed one of my attempts to work.

thinking about that, makes me feel better about ‘failure’…

and i just want to say, that if you find yourself struggling with a difficult situation & you keep trying but aren’t getting there yet, please don’t be so hard on yourself.

love yourself enough to give yourself another starting point.

and one day your starting point will be your new beginning.

it’ll be the moment you look back on & are so thankful for. it could be the moment that changes everything for you.

so as always, if you ever need to talk – feel free to send a message or leave a comment below…

xxoo, k

4 thoughts on “false starts, starting points & new beginnings

  1. False starts as I called them meant that I hadn’t healed enough to leave the life I knew before my hubby passed and begin my new life without him. It took me many many tries to pack up my house and start over. I beat myself up for not being able to do what I had to do but when I was ready things started to happen. 6 yrs later, I realized it was ok for me to move on, that I was ready. I met someone who made me realize I didn’t have to be alone and that I could be happy. We had both lost our spouses, neither one of us was looking for someone new when we met but long talks over many coffees and eventually we became closer and closer. This June we will be together 10 yrs. Good things can and do happen it just might take a while.

  2. We all fail, we all make mistakes. The old saying is very true, we learn from our mistakes. I know, I have made many, and still continue to fail at times and let others down including myself, but I know I can get up and start again. You are doing that too.
    It seems like you can get in some deep dunks which can be pretty harmful. I pray that you have those close friends that you can talk to who can encourage you of all the wonderful things you have done and are doing. We often need that one or more special people who can give us that kick from behind when needed.
    Every morning I pray for you along with many others. God loves you.
    Have a great week ahead.

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